Marriage Isn't For Your Spouse

I couldn't figure out why this blog post rubbed me the wrong way when I first read it. So many other people seem to love it.  So naturally, I figured I was the one in the wrong.  But I don't believe I am.

Marriage isn't for you.  But it's not for your spouse either.  Keep reading.

Marriage is about God being glorified in a most tangible way on earth.  Marriage is the physical representation of Christ's deep, sacrificial love for His church here on earth.  Marriage is a laying down of both of our wills so that God might replace our selfish desires with His Kingdom desires.  

Yes, marriage requires me to put my husband before myself, for we are to "do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count other more significant than [ourselves].  Let each of [us] look not only to [our] own interests, but also to the interests of others" (Philippians 2:3-4).  I am to love him selflessly.  To think of his needs long before I think of my own.  I am called to serve him without expecting anything in return.  And he is to do the same for me.  

But is this really all there is to marriage?  Is this the point?  Simply put, no.  It can't be.  Because if that's true, then it would reason that if my spouse is not happy, then our marriage is failing.  And that simply isn't true.

I love the way that John Piper puts it: "The ultimate thing to see in the Bible about marriage is that it exists for God's glory.  Most foundationally, marriage is the doing of God.  Most ultimately, marriage is the display of God.  It is designed by God to display his glory in a way that no other event or institution does."

Marriage is what God has designed in order that people might be able to see the Gospel lived out on earth.  It is the laying down of one life for another.  It is living for something more than ourselves and each other.  It is living in such a way that other people might see and savor the Lord Jesus Christ for who he is -- our Savior.

If marriage was about my husband's happiness, I would spend my whole life trying to give him what he wants.  The problem with that is that often times, what we want isn't what we need.  I want ice cream right now, at 7am.  But let's be honest, NO ONE needs that.  The pursuit to make someone else happy is a pursuit that only ends with both people more unhappy than when they started.

Happiness isn't the goal of marriage, but joy is a byproduct of it.  Joy comes from knowing that God is on his throne and is sovereign over all. Joy comes from knowing Jesus Christ and prizing him above all things.  Joy comes from serving the Lord together.  Joy comes from laying down my will and choosing to walk in Truth.  Joy isn't a feeling or emotion like happiness is.  Joy is much deeper than that.  And certainly much more fulfilling.  Joy allows us to weather the storms of life.  To stand in the middle of the wind and the rain, the trials and temptations, the sickness and the pain, and declare that God is Good.

I don't know about you, but I don't want my spouse to be happy.  I don't.  I want him to be joyful.  And that, my friends, is nothing that I can give him.  That can only come from the Lord.  So what is my role?  To live in such a way as to point him to the Lord.  And you know what?  When I do that and see him seek the Lord, you better believe that I experience joy as well.  

You see, marriage isn't about you or your spouse.  It's about God's Kingdom come, God's will be done.  One earth as it is in Heaven.